London - La Porte Des Indes

La Porte des Indes, just off Marble Arch, is part of the Blue Elephant Restaurant Group whose “Theme Park” restaurant concept has neither changed nor developed in the last 20 years. Back then, their attempt to create a piece of Thailand or India in London seemed quite a novelty, with the running water streams, little bridges, fountains and an orchid handed out to every female diner as she departed the restaurant. This was before global travel became affordable.

Today, the Blue Elephant website states:

"For the past 20 years, our designer has been responsible for the creation and outfitting of the Blue Elephant restaurants worldwide."

What a cushy job. The interior of this restaurant has not changed in 20 years!

Water runs down a floor to ceiling black and white striped mish mash of wood (they call this a waterfall), into a tacky tiled pool with coins. The spot lights are straight from a Seventies sitcom. Squashed tiger cuddly toy rugs, which look as if they haven’t been cleaned in 20 years, lead to the bar and toilets. Ghastly painted cane furniture, Dutch Master style Raj paintings. It’s a cross between Disney Land and a tropically themed Happy Eater.  The place has no class and no style.  If you to plan to visit, start by putting together an outfit from the sales bin at Primark, round the corner on Oxford Street, or Tesco’s “Not so Finest”. 

Now, if La Porte Des Indes was priced as a Happy Eater, a great deal of this tackiness might be explained. But, far from being a bargain, this restaurant is expensive.

There are a variety of menu options:

Menu Maison

£34 without soup

£38 with soup

£29 without prawns or scallops

If you would like the wine selection with each course, that is a further £25.

The A La Carte menu is no bargain with the more interesting starters priced at around £12.

The shank of lamb I had was very overpriced at £22. The Black Cod with cream cheese, dill, fennel, garlic and honey, wrapped in Banana leaf, sounded awful and a million miles removed from Nobu’s Black Cod in Miso. However, at £22, the pricing was comparable with Nobu.

Where it really does become ludicrous, is when we look at the wine and spirits list.

1985 Ch Haut Brion -  £780

1994 / 95 Ch Petrus -  £1550 (My wine guides tell me that '95 was a better year than '94, but what does a wealthy Arab or Russian care, as long as he is drinking Petrus?) (Take at look at our review of Ninh Van Bay  Russian extravagance.)

And even better:

Bowmore Malt Whisky 1957 -  £190 per glass or £4000 per bottle (Check out our review of Chateau Cordelian Bages at Chateau Cordeillan Bages .)

Gordon Ramsay prices in a Happy Eater.

The place is full of large parties and tourists. Based in the heart of a part of London which is home to many Arabs, people from the Middle East seem to make up most of the clientele. The Norwegian mother and daughter close to us seemed totally unimpressed, particularly when an eager waiter attempted to sell her the house cookbook.

If you would like a taste of the Far East and you can afford to dine at La Porte des Indies, why not take the family of four to India for two weeks. It’s bound to be a more authentic experience, and its probably less expensive.

 
La Port des Indes
32 Bryanston Street
London W1

 
+44 207 224 0055